Venture into the UnKnown

it sucks to meet people at the wrong time

Scared

you never think it will happen to you until does.

First question is Why me? The answer is simple, Why not you? We hear stories and we express out sympathies all while thinking like, damn that can never be me. Then one day you wake up and that story you heard is you. You never expect it. You never saw it coming. The possibility never even once occurred to you, not even once. You’ve been carrying on and all while this this thing has been growing inside of you. Threatening to destroy the very thing that makes you a woman. The very power that is possessed by only woman. Childbearing. 

Surgery. The only way to cure this thing is to surgically remove it from you. The actually procedure includes a small risk that you will be left without any ovaries. although you are told that you will be able to keep at least one, and well that’s all you need. Right? 

Fears of pain, fears of not being the same, and fears of not waking up. 

Im scared  Just fine. 

Every time I declare that I’m going to the law library to study.

wheninlawschool:

What I really should say:

You, 4 years ago.

four years ago, you broke me, You broke me to the point of disfigurement, I could hardly recognize myself. You deserve some sort of acknowledgment, a round of applause for your work. Four years ago, I lost myself, rather you walked away with me stuffed under your arms and dangling. Selfish bastard. You left with all of me, and left none of me for me to have. Conflicted, I became emotionally detached, displaced love and using sex to some how fill the void. I became the very thing that I condemned. Forgotten self worth, I forgot how to keep a man. Unable to distinguish between genuine “i like you” from ” I want to fuck you.” All along I knew this was not me, But I couldn’t stop. I was like an addict, and i longed for that high that I had with you. I searched for the warmth of a body next to mine to fill the voids. I just want to be loved, don’t we all. 

Four years later, I’ve fixed me. It took me this long to realize to extent of the damages you caused. I was almost irreparable. Then another you came along, and attempted to make me another object.. just as you inevitable did. This time I said no. This time i realized that i would not watch another you walk away with all of me. Now I am selfish. I do not want to give me away. four years later, I took a stand. Finally, I am back to me. Unbroken, with dignity, and with pride. 

Eyes hide behind dark shades

eyes hide behind dark shades 

to hide the words eyes tend to say. 

Its like lips stay silent, and never do speak

But the eyes are portals of the soul, 

And the eyes always speak,

You can tell a lot from eyes, 

lips may smile, and the eyes say othwise

lips speak truth and the eyes show the lies

Eyes show where e a person has been

and where they plan to go, or dream so it seems

I preserve the illusion, eyes hide behind dark shades 

Never let them see you sweat.

This

It was my intention to write a poetic post, something of substance. Words beautifully construed to explain just how, just how, well just how hurt disappointed upset  sad i am. Not to mention stressed, feeling of inadequacy. Every minute that passes by feels like a waste, I am wasting away my opportunity to achieve my goals with thoughts of mishaps. Thoughts of things of seemingly little importance. My thoughts have wasted so much time that my thoughts have forced me to submerge and I am drowning. Drowning deep in a sea of the work that I’ve neglected. Neglect…. I have become very well acquainted with neglect.